It all comes back to Faith
Disclosure: This post is not intended as a solicitation for sympathy. This blog is my outlet and I have vowed to keep it real. And this my friends is as real as it gets…
I think it is pretty ironic that the day I post a blog about being a working mom, I lose my job.
You read that correctly.
I lost my job.
The job I have been at for the last 8 years of my life.
If you know me well, you know I’m a loyal hardworking person, hence why I have stayed at a job I much less than loved because I felt I had no choice. The option was never to quit because I have always had to provide for my family. This was a job that I kept through two pregnancies. It was a job that caused me a great deal of stress. A job that required long hours with no rewards. In other words it was a job that was just that…a job.
That doesn’t mean losing it stings any less.
So now I’m sure you are wondering what could have possibly happened?
Well without giving too much detail away, I had an incident with the law a couple of years ago regarding a check I wrote to a popular grocer here in the south. It was a $72 check for groceries for my family and it bounced. Unbeknownst to me (seriously, I had no clue) they decided to prosecute me to the fullest extent of the law. Talk about making shopping a pleasure. I had a joint checking account at the time and again unbeknownst to me (though a common occurrence) the money wasn’t there because of the other person on the account. Yet I was am the one who suffered the consequences. Apparently I still get to suffer the consequences and they don’t.
Part of my most recent promotion brought this incident to light. I never intended to hide it, given its misdemeanor status I didn’t feel as if it was significant enough to disclose.
So now here I am.
For the first time in my life since I was 16, I am unemployed and not by my choice.
There ya have it.
The most humiliating moment of my life and now you all know. I can assure you, I am not a criminal. I thrive to remain honest in all areas of my life.
What am I to do now? I have three daughters and I am their sole provider. I just started school last week as well. I have gone through every emotion on this. When I first was told I was surprised I didn’t pass out. Though the next day after realizing I wasn’t going to work I had my second anxiety attack ever in my life.
What do you do when life has literally knocked you off your feet???
Well, I look up.
I look up to the one who knows all the answers.
The one who has a plan.
I know there is a reason for everything. There must be a reason for this. I have no choice but to run to God and have faith that he will provide. He has brought me to the very edge and so I will wait for him to catch me, for Him to show me the way. He says He doesn’t allow pain without something new to be reborn (Isaiah 66:9). Well He knows, I have suffered a lot of pain, but it’s time to let it all go and just have faith.
It always comes back to faith, which is most difficult because of fear. Fear gets in the way of faith often especially in situations like the one I find myself in now. It’s extremely difficult to remain faithful when all you want to do is break down and cry, when you have absolutely NO IDEA where the money for rent, day care, and all your other bills is going to come from. Living with such significant uncertainty is scary. I have been trying to reconnect with my roots these last couple of months and it’s very evident I’m under spiritual attack because of it but I won’t let that stop me from believing.
If you believe too, all I ask you to do is this: keep us in your prayers.