I am not a failure

Over the last several years it has seemed to me that all I have done is fail at everything.

Working at a job I haven’t always enjoyed (and then loosing it).

My marriage.

Having money troubles.

Not having all the the things I feel like I should have at this point in my life. (I wanted  a nice cozy house to call mine. I wanted to be able to afford family vacations with the kids and also be able to get them into the best schools and after school
activities.)

I wanted what everybody usually wants and I haven’t really had it.

BUT that doesn’t mean I have failed.

5bce33c8f371b169f262721175c260b9These things are not bad by any means, they are wonderful in fact, but if that’s how I’m to determine success than I must beg to differ…

Success for me now looks much different than it used too.

And if I had to guess it probably will change from time to time depending on my life situation. Success for me now looks like my kids being happy. My kids doing well in school. My kids feeling confident about themselves. My kids wanting to be home and doing stuff with their family.

Success to me is having a family night cuddled in bed together and no fighting. Success to me is waking up in the morning knowing that no matter what, if I have God in my corner I cannot fail.

Success to me is my kids being able to look at their life and love it and not be ashamed.

Success to me is me being able to feel good about what I’m trying to do for my family, and actually taking care of it all.

Failure is something that has haunted me for sure. Failure leads to fear.

Fear that I wont be enough for my girls. Fear that I won’t make the rent. Fear that I could lose my job again. Fear that I will end up a lonely spinster! Fear is no joke. Its what holds us back. Fear has definitely crippled me.  There have been many times where I’ve curled up in bed and literally couldn’t move because I was afraid of what else would go wrong.

But while I have plenty to be afraid of, all of us do, I have so much to be grateful for. Sometimes I need a reminder of that in those desperate moments. That is when I begin to think life could be much worse. Just because my life doesn’t look like I thought it would at this point doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t be better than I imagined. It can.

Life is what you make of it. Success isn’t measured by comparing your life to others.

You are not a failure.

I am not a failure.

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3 Comments

  1. Bravo..well said..I have watched you grow into a beautiful woman
    You have a great faith in God and in yourself. You will never fail. Someday you will look back on this time in you life and know that you have made it with the light of Jesus Christ shining down on you. His Love is so beautiful and I am so proud of you… Granny..

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