Let it go

letitgoOne of the hardest things about moving on is those little moments, past memories, that creep up on you when you least expect it.

The sentimental things that one with a heart like mine can’t easily let go of.

Or, the life you tried to build that didn’t pan out.
The life, that has a bunch of loose ends, like friends, family members, words or feeling left unspoken.

What do you take with you in your new life?

Who moves on with you?

What do you leave behind?

Well I don’t have the answers to those questions because after almost two years I think life pans out on its own. People show their true feelings…they distance themselves. You find you may not have much in common with them any more. You find that you change.

How can one be the same after undergoing such a major life changing event?

I look back over the last ten years of my life and its hard to fathom all that’s happened. A lot can happen in 10 years. I got married, had three children, separated from my spouse, changed careers, lost and gained friends and even family, and learned a lot.

But, this is something that still bothers me.

There are times when I still feel like a little girl in this big mixed up world thinking, hoping things could just be simple. When did life get so complicated? How do I simplify things? The thing that bothers me is I put my heart into everything. I give it to my girls, my family, my friends, my passions, all of it. I don’t like hurting others and I don’t want to move on. I’m too attached.

I hold on…

I hold on for dear life.

But things change and I have a hard time accepting that. 

But I’m learning too.`

I used to think things would just go the way they should. You meet someone, fall in love, get married, have kids, buy a house, work 30 years in a career. I look around and I have seen it happen. But, life isn’t like that for everyone. Things happen…like life changing things…things that are sometimes and often beyond our control. People die. Relationships end. Jobs change. People move on (both physically and emotionally). People get sick. Children grow up. They discontinue your favorite wine. All of these things have the ability to change life as you know it. And, that’s not a bad thing, necessarily.

I see a dress in my closet and feel the memory fill my my mind of what went down in that dress.

I see an old picture of an old friend and think what happened?

I hear a song and am immediately taken back to that time and place.

I can’t change who I am. I will always cherish the good times, the memories but at the same time I can change what I do with them. What I’m learning is to let it go… which is so much harder than it sounds. I’m learning to accept that life changes and I’m learning to be ok with that.

Because you can’t go back sometimes. What’s been done has been done. There are those things that can not be taken back: harsh words, dumb mistakes we make that sometimes can’t or wont be forgiven. You can’t make someone care if they just don’t.

Its part of growing up…

Its part of moving on…

And sometimes you know when its time to let it go….

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1 Comment

  1. Very weLloyd said..I too feel that way and there things that you just don’t want to let go. I feel I have to justify what went wrong or whose fail it was. But you can’t always do that. You have to let it ho, but it isn’t always easy.

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