When it comes down to religion and having a belief in something greater the age old question is… “Yea, but how do you know for sure?”
The answer used to be so easy… “You just have to have faith.”
Back in my young days this concept was super easy. I believed wholeheartedly, without a doubt in Gods plan for me. Faith was easy.
Sure, I had some trying times in youth. I shed many tears over parents, friends, boyfriends, etc. But I never lost my faith.
Then I grew up.
Please read all the way through.. I never ‘lost’ my faith but I did question it.
But I did… I grew up… I turned 21 and partied all night long and then I started having kids, settling into a job that was to be my career, I got married. I followed my peers into the routine that all 20-somethings do.
It was easy to have so much faith when nothing truly terrible had happened.
But I lost myself. I don’t want to completely blame my marriage to my abusive husband but it does have a lot to do with it.
When I left him things didn’t get better… I started acting in ways that caused people to definitely question my integrity… Because I was lost. Failing at that, failing at my job, one thing after another and another… and one begins to wonder why.
Not to sound too cliche but once terrible things keep happening to you, you can’t help but ask why God? Why is this happening to me? What did I do? Is this some kind of payback? Everyone sins, is mine so different?
Of course not. Sin in God’s eyes is all equal.
Bad things happen. Some things are worse than others. My life could have, and very well could be MUCH worse.
But once things began to settle down and I came back around I started to realize how lost I was.
I never truly lost my faith but I wasn’t looking for it either.
The truth is my eyes began to open up and life became more clear once I started to avoid the things clouding it.
I’m still a work in progress but just because I wasn’t looking up doesn’t mean He wasn’t continually there watching out for me.
The TRUTH is every time I started to question things He always found a way to remind me He is there.
He kept my children safe. He kept us all safe. He has always somehow provided for us in those desperate times I didn’t know how in world the electric bill would get paid. Or how my van was going to make it. Or how I would get another job so quickly. Or who would physically be there for me and the girls to support us emotionally.
He is the reason I can stay strong.
Faith can never be lost, if you know where to find it.