Hello fellow bloggers and people who actually follow me… it has indeed been a while. I guess I could say I took a summer break and really that’s what I did… but mostly I just became tired.
It’s been a wild ride these last two years, virtually everything in my life has been turned upside down and turned around. I’ve practically reinvented myself through discovering who I was, a broken person.
Even though in recent months I have done nothing but lay low, focus on my girls, attend church, I have actually learned a lot.
…And it has worn me out!
I’m tired of people who have claimed they care, but have done little to show they actually do.
I’m tired of people posting on social media who they want others to perceive them as, even though they’re not at all that person.
I’m tired of the hate that is in our world.
I’m tired of feeling like I have to be in competition with all the mothers around me.
I’m tired of reliving my old life with my ex.
I’m tired of questioning what I did to deserve that terrible, abusive marriage?
I’m tired of people overlooking the fact that I spent most of my marriage being abused.
I’m tired of people not believing the truth in an attempt to make themselves feel better about the false reality they’ve created.
I’m tired of people claiming to be neutral.
Stand for something already!
Frankly all these things have exhausted me. My mind has been so consumed with feelings of defeat and worthlessness. Of being victimized and worrying all the time when I walk out the front door of my house as to what kind of terror my kids or I may face…
Until finally I decided to give up.
I give up my worries and fears and questions to the only one who knows what to do with them. Can I get an amen?!
I give up because this is no way to live.
I could sit here and relive my past and why I’ve had to endure the things I have, why people who I loved have been so cruel… or why my pain seems to go unnoticed…
BUT I give up living this way.
I know I’m a good mom. I will raise my children the way I was raised and if you are family or not if you are toxic to my girls or me, I give you up.
To those who want to remain neutral in my current situation, I give you up.
To the hate going on in the world, to the people who really don’t care about others, the people who don’t ever let you over when you are driving and need to get in their lane, I give you up.
I give up the hate and I cling to the good by striving to be the good instead.
The fake and passive aggressive social media posts, I give you up.
To the people who don’t want to be around my girls and me anymore, I give you up.
I give up the negativity surrounding my situation and am going to live life to be the good in this world. I don’t need to explain myself to anyone, or post everything I do, if you are in my life you will know what I’m talking about and if not I give you up.
Lets be clear, just because I give up people doesn’t mean I won’t always have love for you, because I believe whole heartedly in love even if love hasn’t always been shown to me.
God has called us to, above all else, love. It just means I can’t force myself into your life if you don’t want me there.
I encourage you all to give up on EVERY thing that brings you down.
Give up… but only give up the bad, the hate, the lies, the thoughts of worthlessness… don’t give up on love.