Being a mom and having to share my kids is not something I want to do and I don’t think it’s something most moms want to do either.
As I lay here tonight it makes my heart so sad to know they are not in their rooms tucked away. That my little beautiful monster # 3 isn’t going to be showing her face in the middle of the night to crawl in bed with me. I won’t be checking on them to make sure they are still breathing–yes I still do that. And they won’t be waking me up far too early on a Saturday morning… which of course will be nice not having to get up early but at the same time I will miss all three of them climbing in bed fighting over who gets to snuggle next to me because they all want to be right up next to me.
Being a mom is the most impossible love. Because it’s ever ending and so unconditional. I could never stop worrying about my girls even if I tried.
Yes I know it’s only for a weekend… and I know I deserve a little bit of time to rejuvenate, most moms do, but no one takes care of my girls like me. That’s something we can all agree on as moms. And when they aren’t with me, especially for a longer time frame I’m going to worry. I can’t stop.
I don’t like sharing them ad I know that’s selfish but it’s how I feel. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to let them go, it just means it makes me sad when they do.
They are mine. In fact, I’ve been there for every tear and kissed their boo boos. I’m there when they have a bad day at school or a great day at school. I’ve wiped their asses more than anyone else- times 10! They are mine. I never quit on them or put anything else before them. I always try to provide. I have laid wide awake bed and wondered if I yelled too much, if I let them watch too much tv, or if they have eaten enough vegetables. I worry as my 9 year goes to school and has to face bullies because she is at that age. How can I protect her? How can I protect them when they are not with me? I have to trust that someone else is going to do a good enough job when sometimes I worry that I’m not even though no one, I mean NO ONE could possibly love them as much as me?!
So if you’re not a single mom, who hasn’t ever had to share her kids then you don’t understand. When you haven’t had to try to protect them from their own family who you now are supposed to trust again you can’t understand. It’s just hard.