“To forgive and forget…”

Forgiveness is not that simple. It is not easy. But it is something we all need to do.

How do you even begin to forgive someone who has done you so very wrong?! How can you forgive someone who cheated on you? Who beat you? Who lied to you? Who stole from you?

I do not have all the answers for these hard hitting questions. I’m no expert.  All I can offer is my heart and my experiences. And forgiveness is not always the easiest business to be into.

Forgiving someone who has monumentally disrupted your life takes courage and strength and above all maturity. And I fully believe forgiveness has more to do with your peace than the other persons. If you haven’t forgiven them you are holding on to anger and sadness and its only hurting you.

This could not be more true. I, for one, have a lot of hidden and some not so hidden anger built up, mixed with plenty of emotional turmoil. What to do with it?? I just carry it with me. I try to not think about the things, the person, who has caused me and my family such hard times because when I do it causes ME a great deal of stress and bitterness…

You hear that? It causes ME stress… not the other person. It causes ME to be angry and upset, not the other person.

That is quite unfair, don’t you think?

I figured out the main ingredient, the biggest, most difficult piece of this puzzle called my life, the final piece to help me truly move on is…. dumb roll, please, even though you know what I’m going to say … to learn and practice the art of forgiveness.

Forgive the ex that emotionally, mentally, verbally, and sometimes physically abused me. Forgive the guy that is father to my children but doesn’t know what it means to be one. Forgive the guy that, through his lack of support, still causes my family hardships…

Well I haven’t.

Not yet anyway.

But I’m on the right track.

My anger has subsided some as I have moved on in a lot of ways, and taken responsibility for the things that I have done wrong. That is a big step in healing as well. To learn what you have done wrong so you can forgive your own self.

I have also found outlets for my many emotions, good outlets like working out, writing, or the occasional venting to my best friend. It all helps.

I know the biggest step is waiting just around the corner. It doesn’t mean when I feel able to forgive I have to run and tell him either. It can be a decision I make to myself in private, between me and the big man upstairs.

It also doesn’t mean I have to befriend him if I chose to forgive him. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that. It just frees you from the burden that has been placed on you.

In time I will do it though, because I understand as I approach the age of 33 that its necessary for MY mental health. I know it will be extremely freeing. I have learned to forgive others in my life that have caused great amounts of pain. I can tell you that once you do it literally feels as if there was this huge burden, this heavy rock in your heart just floats away. Its a great feeling to know you can forgive and actually move on because you deserve to feel that freedom. 

And it may take forgiving that person a few times before you feel it.

But, in the interest of being a good human to be forgiving is a must.

I want to feel that freedom. I don’t want to be bitter all the time.

If you feel like its something you could never do, I get it. I feel that way most times too. But one day you will wake up to find how you feel is really only up to you. You can’t, I can’t, continue to let someone else have control over my feelings and emotions.

Forgiveness is a personal decision and it is ours to make. Not everyone will agree and that is OK.

Its a choice, and one can only hope to make the right one for them.


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