Unapologetically Me

I was looking around on this little blog of mine the other day and found the category titled “What Love Life?” And I laughed.

When I started this online writing journey I guess I figured there would eventually be more to tell in that area of my life.

But maybe the conversation isn’t about dating… but not dating. Maybe I can speak to why I’m OK being single versus the need to be in a relationship? Hmmm

It is not a secret that most single people are looking for other single people that they have things in common with, can laugh with, do activities with, watch movies with, vent about their day with. Most single people are on some sort of online dating venue or what have you. Basically, most singles are inevitably trying to find a way not to be single anymore.

Of course, having some romance in my life would be nice, I’d be lying if I said otherwise BUT, and this is a big BUT, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’ll be OK without a special someone.

I spent a lot of time after my separation looking for the next relationship. The next guy to lean into… what I eventually found was I needed to lean into myself.

Learning to love yourself again is the most beautiful thing. Learning to find out who you are after being so broken is the only way to truly be happy. I could have entered into another relationship easily, which would have resulted in me being whoever I felt I needed to be in that moment instead of just being unapologetically me.

I am a mother, but a lot of times I’m a hot mess of a mother. I am so many things that I used to see so much fault in. I am a person who literally can’t stop asking questions during a movie I haven’t seen. I am ditsy sometimes, who cares! I actually like classical music. I talk extra loud when I’m excited. I have been known to have 4 different types of drinks on my desk at work and not finish any of them. I cry over stupid things. I’m not the best cook. My mind is an endless sea of random thoughts which causes me to be forgetful at times. If you don’t like it, move on.

Because that’s what I learned… I was forced to learn who I was and to like it, that all my quirks were nothing to shy away from. All the things that make me less than perfect are actually OK, they are what make me me. Sure, there was and probably always will be things that I could do better, but I try. I work on the parts of me I don’t like. I also know I’m kind. I care about so much and I love hard. I’m honest and loyal to a fault.

An abusive relationship really does steal confidence away from you. I had to work hard to find it again.

Now its been a really, really long time since I’ve been in any sort of relationship type situation and I’m good! Obviously, I have my girls I focus on.. but on those occasions when I’m feeling lonely it’s not this intense unbearable feeling anymore.

It is ok because I’m ok. I know my worth and I’m content waiting til someone comes along who really sees that.

Love yourself people… And eventually, someone else will learn to love you just the way you are.

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3 Comments

  1. So much growth from the 2015 posts to this current one. You truly do have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I have gotten to the point where I just don’t care what other people think when it comes to my happiness. I will listen and take advice, but I take the criticism. I will more likely just stop talking to the individual. And with that I won’t settle when it comes to a relationship. It took me awhile to get to this point and I’m not throwing it away even it that means hurting someone’s feelings. I will do what’s best for me because I also know in turn it will also be what’s best for my girls. A happy daddy is the most fun to be around.

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