The Sea of Self-Doubt

I am my own worst critic.

I’ll be the first to tell you that I know I’m not perfect, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying.

Over the years I know there have been many things said about me, about the choices I have made regarding my life.  Some question them and judge me negatively. Some think they could do better. And then there are some that tell me I’m doing a great job when it comes to my life, my kids.

So who am I to believe?

Myself. That’s who.

I can’t tell you how much it means to me that I have people in my life that support me, and comfort me, and build me up. I need that, maybe more than most. The problem is I can hear all these kind things being thrown at me but if I don’t believe it for myself than it becomes nothing but empty words. It goes in one ear and out the other.

On the flip side, what if I took every criticism to heart? Isn’t that what we often do? We take the negative in and forget about all the positive things people may have to say? When it should be the opposite. Focus on the good and forget the bad, right?

What always killed me was when the terrible things I think about myself come to life in someone else’s mind and they speak it to life. Because the terrible things being said about me, I know them. I have most likely thought them too.

So what really matters is how we feel about ourselves. To get to a place where you find peace in your own decisions and feel good in your own skin. That place would be such a sacred place to be in.

Am I there yet? Ha! No.

But I have come a long way through a sea of self-doubt to where I can stand on my own two feet and feel ok, even good about who I am, and how I became the person I am today. The self-love journey is always going to be an uphill battle. A journey that is so different for everyone. Everyone has their own set of scars to process and heal from.

So for me to give any advice on how to love yourself would be hard because its such a personal thing. What works for one person doesn’t work for all. Sometimes prayer helps, sometimes exercising, or meditating. It goes without saying that it is a personal thing, which means outside influence should NEVER sway how you feel about yourself. It is your life and you are the one who has to live with the decisions you make… be it a relationship decision, a career path, a move, or the choice to stop living the way you are now and change into something better.

And as for me, praying helped. Not seeing myself through everyone else’s eyes but instead through the eyes of the one who gave me this life. Your mistakes and past don’t define you. What you do going forward defines you. What you do when no one is looking defines you and your character.

So whenever my self-doubt and criticisms work their way to the forefront of my mind, I try to remember these few things… that only I am responsible for my actions and how I see myself. No one can make me feel bad without me giving them the power to do so.

So I do cling to the good. I soak in everything anyone has said about me that’s positive and I tell myself it is true. When someone says something nice about you, believe it!

Believe in yourself.

Be your own cheerleader instead of your own worst critic. 🙂

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